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SAT考場Essay大型翻車現場及學生失分原因解析


來源:   時間:2019-01-13 18:00:34

悲劇發生在2019.8.24北美某考場
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Analysis只拿到4分讓小D同學內心遭到暴擊。事實上,不僅小D同學,analysis是大部分同學的短板。此處附上真題原文,同學們不妨閱讀并思考這篇文章可以選擇哪些要點進行分析:
 
As you read the passage below, consider how Godfrey Harris uses
 
·evidence, such as facts or examples, to support claims
·reasoning to develop ideas and to connect claims and evidence
·stylistic or persuasive elements, such as word choice or appeals to emotion, to add power to the ideas expressed.
 
Adapted from Godfrey Harris, “How to save both elephants and the ivory trade” ©2014 by The Los Angeles Times. Originally published October 18th, 2014
 
1. Because of British currency restrictions enacted just before World War II, my father had to come up with an innovative way of getting his cash out of England when, fearing a German invasion, we immigrated to the United States. He settled on silver. Before leaving, he purchased all the Georgian silver objects he could find, with the idea of selling them once the family reached America.
 
2. A few months after we arrived, he opened the Harris English Silver Co. in Manhattan. While wartime rationing made many everyday items difficult to obtain, the demands of holidays, birthdays and anniversaries still required special gifts. Antique silver answered that need for many New Yorkers.
 
3. By 1944 my father had made more than enough to move the family to California, where he sold most of the remainder of his original inventory. Things were going so well that he decided to take a buying trip to England in 1948, and he took me along as his 11-year-old assistant. At each antique shop we visited, he would slowly survey the goods on display, identify the pieces of particular interest, and then have all the items brought together in one spot where he could inspect them. I was told to pick out anything that caught my eye and bring those pieces, too, to the central collection point.
 
4. I soon found that the pieces I gravitated to — boxes, doll house furnishings, knife rests, small carvings, writing implements, hand tools and the like — tended to have one thing in common: They were nearly all made of ivory.
 
5. When the shipment from that buying trip reached Los Angeles, my father gave me most of the items I had selected, and that was the start of my ivory collection. After becoming a U.S. diplomat, I added to these original items during trips abroad. And I soon became fascinated by the different uses to which ivory has been put — some practical, because of the material’s special properties, and some decorative, because of its unusual beauty.
 
6. Ivory pieces, like other artistic expressions, reflect the time and cultures that produced them. That’s one of the main reasons people collect artifacts of any sort: to preserve the best examples of cultural expression.
 
7. Today, however, ivory collections like mine — and ivory collectors themselves — are being vilified. The current debate in Washington over ivory policy has far less to do with protecting elephants than it does with satisfying the assumptions of animal rights groups, making things simple for government officials and accommodating the special wants of hunters and the special needs of musicians and museum curators. Collectors have little voice in the debate, and their collections have been likened to blood diamonds or denigrated as vanity indulgences. Any harm that American collectors suffer from the new regulations has been dismissed by Dan Ashe, director of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, as collateral damage for the greater good of saving elephants.
 
8. As he has issued an order that virtually eliminates all trade and movement in the United States of objects made from or with ivory — no matter their origin, age or provenance — by requiring unimpeachable, detailed documentation on the ivory contained in a piece. To buy, trade or sell such pieces, collectors must have original bills of sale or repair invoices or proof of the year of importation into the United States. No collector and very few antique dealers can produce that kind of documentation, especially since none of it was required at the time most of the pieces were imported or purchased. How many treasures inherited from a relative or given as gifts come with written proof of where they came from or how they got here?
 
9. These draconian new rules have not been promulgated casually. Ashe believes that virtually ending all trade in African ivory in the United States — thus sending a message that ivory is valueless — is the best way to protect African elephants from the ravishes of poachers.
 
10. But that’s unrealistic and unproven. Today’s poaching problem has its roots in East Asia, where there is still a strong demand for and an active trade in new ivory objects. Demonizing older ivory objects to discourage possession of newer versions of similar items will not bring back the mammoths or save modern elephants from the economic forces that drive poachers.
 
11. Indeed, the International Ivory Society, on whose advisory board I sit, believes that taking valuable ivory objects out of circulation will only increase the market price for raw ivory abroad and put elephants in even more danger than at the present.
 
12. Everyone is rightly concerned with the plight of African elephants and the horrors that poachers are inflicting on herds across the continent. All of us want to find the right solution to stabilize elephant populations in Africa through sound economic and conservation policies. But the answer must not come at the expense of collectors who play such an important role in preserving important, interesting and revelatory objects in our cultural history.
 
Write an essay in which you explain how Mohamed Ibrahim builds an argument to persuade his audience that protecting elephants should not come at the expense of collectors. In your essay, analyze how Ibrahim uses one or more of the features listed in the box above (or features of your own choice) to strengthen the logic and persuasiveness of his argument. Be sure that your analysis focuses on the most relevant features of the passage.
 
Your essay should not explain whether you agree with Ibrahim’s claims, but rather explain how Ibrahim builds an argument to persuade his audience.
 
這是College Board再次使用Godfrey Harris的文章出題,上一次是在2016.11月亞洲的考題里。這篇文章難度中等,但是不少同學反映找不到要點進行分析。那么小D同學是怎么分析的呢,我們一起看一下小D同學的答卷:
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由于圖片像素的原因,部分字跡不清晰,這里附上小D同學主體段(第二段)的部分transcript:
 
As a major component of the evidence that the author uses, personal anecdote plays an essential role in objectively corroborating the author’s argument. From the first paragraph to the fifth paragraph, the author describes his own story as a collector of ivory objects: “boxes, doll house furnishings, knife rests… all made of ivory”, “some decorative, because of its unusual beauty.” The author shows the beauty and uniqueness of the ivory objects, making people know and understand the ivory object directly. The author’s personal experience is valid and can be trusted because he is the reporter of Los Angeles Times, a credible medium that most people know. This personal experience as an ivory object collector will make people realize and love this occupation because this work is fascinating and unique as the author describes.
 
上文的分析中,小D同學準確地指出了作者在開篇使用了個人軼事,這很好!可是問題在于:分析過于膚淺,沒有切中要害,好比射擊比賽里射中了靶的邊緣或外圍。我們仔細看一下小D同學寫下的這三個句子:
 
①The author shows the beauty and uniqueness of the ivory objects, making people know and understand the ivory object directly. ②The author’s personal experience is valid and can be trusted because he is the reporter of Los Angeles Times, a credible medium that most people know. ③This personal experience as an ivory object collector will make people realize and love this occupation because this work is fascinating and unique as the author describes.
 
其中,第①和第③句 “展示了象牙物品的美”和“讓讀者愛上象牙收藏這個職業”和作者寫作意圖沒太大關系,屬于“tangential”(擦邊球式)的分析。第②句的問題比較大:首先,盡管文章刊登在《洛杉磯時報》上,但無法確定作者Godfrey Harris的職業就是reporter(報刊op-ed版會刊登獨立撰稿人士、專欄作家或公眾撰寫的文章);此外,就算作者是《洛杉磯時報》的記者,僅憑這一點就給予了他在象牙收藏這個話題上足夠的發言權嗎?
 
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不過,看得出來小D同學想從“appeal to ethos”角度上切入進行分析。這個角度選的很好,只是“reporter”這個頭銜選擇的不對。上過寫作課的同學們大概都知道:
 
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在文章中作者透露了自己另一個頭銜,這個身份比起小D同學指出的“reporter”更有說服力,請看題目原文的第11段的首句。
 
“Indeed, the International Ivory Society, on whose advisory board I sit…”
 
作者服務于“International Ivory Society”的顧問團隊,這個權威機構讓作者在象牙這個話題上更有發言權,也證明了作者具備的“expertise”。但是問題來了:這個fact出現在第11段,怎樣才能在分析個人軼事的過程中結合第11段作者的頭銜呢?這里我們要學習一個技巧:將文章中服務于相同目的的“fact”結合起來分析(connect the facts/evidence that serve the same purpose)
 
我們不難發現在題目原文的第3段中的另一個事實能給作者帶來“credibility”:
 
“Things were going so well that he decided to take a buying trip to England in 1948, and he took me along as his 11-year-old assistant… I was told to pick out anything that caught my eye and bring those pieces, too, to the central collection point... When the shipment from that buying trip reached Los Angeles, my father gave me most of the items I had selected, and that was the start of my ivory collection.”
 
作者提到自己從11歲時獲得了第一批象牙的收藏品,成為了小小象牙收藏家。從小就開始對象牙藏品積累知識和經驗,如今作者已經是一個老練的收藏家了。
 
我們從這里出發,開始對personal anecdote部分進行分析:

原創范文:
By reminiscing about his childhood encounter with ivory collection--the fact that he started collecting ivory objects as early as 11 years old --Harris casts himself as a seasoned and veteran ivory collector with profound knowledge and experience on the topic.
 
到此為止,我們已經指出了作者在這個話題上具備一定的“authority”,接下來我們結合第11段作者在國際象牙協會的頭銜一并進行分析:

原創范文:
By reminiscing about his childhood encounter with ivory collection--the fact that he started collecting ivory objects as early as 11 years old --Harris casts himself as a seasoned and veteran ivory collector with profound knowledge and experience on the topic. This fact, combined with his position at the “International Ivory Society” stated in paragraph 11, confers even greater credence to his argument, which not only suggests Harris’s expertise in the field of ivory collection, but also establishes him in readers’ eyes as a credible source of information on ivory, rather than a cynical writer who has launched an impulsive diatribe on this issue.
 
這個分析是不是比起小D同學論述“象牙的美麗”和“讓讀者愛上象牙收藏這個職業”更加有“insight”?現在,我們距離完成這個主體段成段只差一步之遙了,接下來我們回原文找另外一個要點進行分析,請看第4段和第5段:
 
“I soon found that the pieces I gravitated to — boxes, doll house furnishings, knife rests, small carvings, writing implements, hand tools and the like — tended to have one thing in common: They were nearly all made of ivory… And I soon became fascinated by the different uses to which ivory has been put — some practical, because of the material’s special properties, and some decorative, because of its unusual beauty.”
 
作者在這里指出了象牙有兩個功能:“裝飾性”和“實用性”,并且列舉了象牙制品被用于各種常見的“household products”——象牙制品早已深入生活當中,并且用途廣泛——這使得下文Dan Ashe頒布的全面限制象牙制品的流通的法令顯得很不現實 (這個fact出現在第8段:“As he has issued an order that virtually eliminates all trade and movement in the United States of objects made from or with ivory”)。我們把“象牙制品的普遍性”這個fact加入我們的分析中:

原創范文:
Harris has identified two important functions of ivory, one ornamental, the other practical. He enumerates “boxes, doll house furnishings, knife rests, small carvings, writing implements, and hand tools”, all common objects found in most households made with ivory. By revealing the practical function and the ubiquity of ivory products, the writer incisively points out that it is not pragmatic or realistic to regulate trade or movement of ivory objects since it implicates too many fundamental aspects of daily life, thus putting Dan Ashe’s order (stated in paragraph 8) in an invidious position in readers’ eyes, eliciting opposition from readers against this regulation.
 
最后匯總一下,這個主體段就完成了:

原創范文:
In the opening of the article, Harris invokes his personal story, which serves two important purposes. Frist, by reminiscing about his childhood encounter with ivory collection —— the fact that he started collecting ivory objects as early as 11 years old —— Harris casts himself as a seasoned and veteran ivory collector with profound knowledge and experience on the topic. This fact, combined with his position at the “International Ivory Society” stated in paragraph 11, confers even greater credence to his argument, which not only suggests Harris’s expertise in the field of ivory collection, but also establishes him in readers’ eyes as a credible source of information on ivory, rather than a cynical writer who has launched an impulsive diatribe on this issue. Second, Harris has identified two important functions of ivory, one ornamental, the other practical. He enumerates “boxes, doll house furnishings, knife rests, small carvings, writing implements, and hand tools”, all common objects found in most households made with ivory. By revealing the practical function and the ubiquity of ivory products, the writer incisively points out that it is not pragmatic or realistic to regulate trade or movement of ivory objects since it implicates too many fundamental aspects of daily life, thus putting Dan Ashe’s order (stated in paragraph 8) in an invidious position in readers’ eyes, eliciting opposition from readers against this regulation.
 
此外,本文還有其他的寫作策略和分析技巧,歡迎到廣州奧爾 天河校區和Chris老師交流。
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本文系廣州奧爾 李老師原創,如需轉載請至公眾號后臺與我們取得聯系,并獲取轉載授權。
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